Wednesday, August 11, 2010

My thoughts.... Ramadan Mubarak

So today marks the first day of Ramadan, alhamdulillah. I still have so much on my mind and I'm not one to share my thoughts with just anyone. I'm not really sure why I'd rather keep to myself about things but I know I've been like this since I was a kid. Anyway... I hope no one takes it personal that I'm not hittin ya'll up. I'm just taking a step back and evaluating my circle... and in the meantime, focusing on my to-do list. As I mentioned before, I have some new goals.

Today, I tried something new and posted a photo of me in hijab as my facebook pic. This was kind of an experiment for me to see how comfortable I would be with people seeing me the way I am "supposed" to be dressed. Even though I know I shouldn't have, I really felt uncomfortable about it. I feel like people know me a certain way, and today, I put myself in an outcasted position. I don't really know how to explain the feeling or what else to say about it, but I just need to gradually step into it. Either that, or I just need to move to another country and start over.

I'm know I'm a different breed and I keep to myself a lot because people tend to get the wrong idea about me..... I think I'm just a little more cultured than most people and it is what it is....

Born in the Philippines.. half black and asian. Grew up in the suburbs of VA and NJ and I sound different from most people because of that. I'm very athletic and I take education very seriously. I love to read... I do it every day. I love to ponder. I feel its important to reflect if you want to make sure your future is in order, inshallah. I'm an over- achiever that loves to help the people around me succeed as well (this is my passion). I thrive in environments where my circle is also positive and determined to do great things. I am Muslim and this is where I struggle to be myself. I wasn't born Muslim so its difficult to conform to the rules that I need to obey all at once. I recently listened to a lecture that said that I shouldn't dive into trying to do everything at once because I can drown. I'm glad because sometimes things can get a little overwhelming.... especially when I'm trying to change some of my habits and other people form opinions about the change. Its just hard... I don't want to have to explain myself every time. I just want people to accept me.

So there it is..

And this quote by Alan Cohen really puts my journey in a different perspective... hopefully, it helps give a better understanding to anyone who is having a hard time understanding my message.

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful."

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