Thursday, September 23, 2010

INTERESTING: Excerpt from book, "Winning With People"

Before you read the excerpt, I just want to give you a background on where this text is coming from. The book teaches you how to, sort of, mold your personality in a way that you can get along with more personalities.

The chapter that this is from is called the Approachability principle and it was sectioned into 7 characteristics of an approachable person:

1. Personal warmth - Truly like people
2. Appreciation for the differences in people
3. Consistency in mood
4. Sensitivity towards people's feelings
5. Understanding of human weaknesses and exposure of their own.
6. Ability to forgive easily and quickly ask for forgiveness
7. Authenticity

Below was mention under # 7, Authenticity.

"Approachable people are real. They are who they are. As a result, they engage with others on a genuine level. They don't pretend to be someone they're not. They don't go out of their way to hide what the think and feel. And they have no hidden agenda. They say what they mean and mean what they say. You don't have to worry about where you stand with them.
One of the reasons they can be authentic is that they are secure with themselves. Secure people don't feel that they always have to win, and they don't have anything to prove. Security is the most disarming of all traits. Approachable people are at ease with themselves, and that puts others at ease.
I need to say one more thing about approachability. It is the responsibility of the one in authority! Barbara Walters is the one in authority when she does interviews, so she takes it upon herself to be approachable. Bosses must take responsibility for being approachable to their employees. Parents must make themselves approachable to their children. And spouses must be approachable to each other.
When I began to be successful as a pastor and to receive state and then national recognition for my work, I discovered that some people were intimidated by me. I think the main reason was my confidence.I certainly didn't want to put people off or make them reluctant to talk to me. So I worked on making myself more approachable. I started to learn how to "walk slowly through the crowd," meaning that whenever I'm out among people, I try to take my time talking to people, connection with hem, being sensitive to their feelings, needs, and wants.
My effort has been richly rewarded. I have experienced the friendliness of people, met many new friends, and developed many rewarding relationships. And I have been able to be myself at the same time. I highly recommend it. " ~ John C. Maxwell

That is so interesting to me because I never really paid attention to my levels of confidence and how they effect the people around me. Throughout my entire educational experience, more often than not, I was the one that hesitated to raise my hand to answer, in fear that I wouldn't get the answer right (and that everyone would laugh at me lol). It took me a lot of time to finally become confident enough to speak in front of a group of people, especially without rehearsing what I wanted to say, beforehand. I thought that was an accomplishment in itself, not realizing that this trait can actually intimidate people who may not feel as confident as you. Of course, restating it in plain english, it makes perfect sense, but its not something that people become aware of right away.

It makes me feel like I should work on becoming more approachable. What about you?

1 comment :

zoila said...

This is deep and insightful. I know that I have to work on me, yet I do hold some of these qualities. This assures me that I am on my way ;-). However, it takes a level of humility, strength, and confidence combined to really achieve this. Question is: "Are we as individuals up for the challenge?". Because it is we (the individual) who will be under scrutiny through self reflection and self-check, others, and our own conscience. Interestingly enough, it is in our confidence, strength, and security that we are developing within ourselves, that we can, then, welcome the scrutiny, challenge, and humility of it all on the road to becoming a more approachable and better individual! I love it Tash!-- zoila